I just took a massive blog!
I've had a rough couple of weeks so far. The feeling is overall quite melancholy due to lack of satisfaction. I feel like i'm in a racecar driving as fast as I can to get to wherever I need to go, without realising its just a cliff.
So im a Sikh. I realise I dont openly celebrate my religion. I mean, I dont go to some sort of formal gathering with other sikh's and party, nor am I in some sort of Sikh cult. The notion of religion tends to be a general acceptance or belonging to a community, which is something i'm totally missing out on. I also have a sense of urgency in my head all the time, my mind is rarely inactive. The problem is, these obstacles of urgency are in retrospect quite needless and non beneficial. I sometimes feel I am going into a sense of paranoia too. I always feel people are judging me, even if its just a guy down the road looking at me. I do this with friends especially. I hate it, but I just cant help it. The main reason I hate it is because usually my paranoia is correct. If I think someone is going to cause me grief, they usually do. Being able to read people well causes alot of detriment to someone's own integrity. This is my mind in a nutshell.
Work has been normal, im actually enjoying it. Learning alot of cool ways to save money, and my colleagues are cool to work with, which helps alot. I aim to continue studying to give myself some motivation to stay in the industry. Without ongoing education i'm useless in financial services.
Music is something im unhappy with. Compromising is something I have done in my entire life. Its either for friends or family and you never live for yourself. Some people tell you thats just how life is, but I refuse to accept it, those people can get fucked. Music is something I was always selfish about, it was my thing and no one elses. If I was playing guitar, I play whatever the fuck was in my head and what my fingers want to do. Thats how it should be, thats why its music and not a conformed opinion. You cant tell someone straight up "You know, you're an ass" or "You're freaking gorgeous" without getting your head punched in or a restraining order, but you can play it on the guitar. Not to mention I am anal retentive about what I play and listen to. Playing with the right tone, the right drumkit, the right singer, all these things should be handled with care and furnished before moving onto the next step of writing music. If something is wrong, I can be a very unhappy guitar player. Making music with an unprofessional tone will result in a band sounding like that for a while and eventually becoming a habit. Now i'm in a band with people i've jammed with since school, adding on a singer and a bass player. Being in a band can be an emancipation if you love what you're playing, but it can totally become a restricting place if you dont love it. When you hear about people turning down money or other incentives to start their own thing, you understand where they come from. Money is important in music, but its not a sole purpose. We have sound issues as a band, nothing is fluent. Problems are coming up that I havent faced since I was 16 or 17. As a result im feeling tense when I play and cant be completely open. To put it into one word, its FRUSTRATING.
Rant over.
This year is flying too fast. we're almost a quarter through already. I'm going to be 23 as well. Holy crap. Where the hell did my childhood go. Damn, just typing that number freaked me out. 23. Whoa, freaked out again. I gotta hook up with a lady or an effinite man asap, otherwise I could be in some trouble.
Fuzz
So im a Sikh. I realise I dont openly celebrate my religion. I mean, I dont go to some sort of formal gathering with other sikh's and party, nor am I in some sort of Sikh cult. The notion of religion tends to be a general acceptance or belonging to a community, which is something i'm totally missing out on. I also have a sense of urgency in my head all the time, my mind is rarely inactive. The problem is, these obstacles of urgency are in retrospect quite needless and non beneficial. I sometimes feel I am going into a sense of paranoia too. I always feel people are judging me, even if its just a guy down the road looking at me. I do this with friends especially. I hate it, but I just cant help it. The main reason I hate it is because usually my paranoia is correct. If I think someone is going to cause me grief, they usually do. Being able to read people well causes alot of detriment to someone's own integrity. This is my mind in a nutshell.
Work has been normal, im actually enjoying it. Learning alot of cool ways to save money, and my colleagues are cool to work with, which helps alot. I aim to continue studying to give myself some motivation to stay in the industry. Without ongoing education i'm useless in financial services.
Music is something im unhappy with. Compromising is something I have done in my entire life. Its either for friends or family and you never live for yourself. Some people tell you thats just how life is, but I refuse to accept it, those people can get fucked. Music is something I was always selfish about, it was my thing and no one elses. If I was playing guitar, I play whatever the fuck was in my head and what my fingers want to do. Thats how it should be, thats why its music and not a conformed opinion. You cant tell someone straight up "You know, you're an ass" or "You're freaking gorgeous" without getting your head punched in or a restraining order, but you can play it on the guitar. Not to mention I am anal retentive about what I play and listen to. Playing with the right tone, the right drumkit, the right singer, all these things should be handled with care and furnished before moving onto the next step of writing music. If something is wrong, I can be a very unhappy guitar player. Making music with an unprofessional tone will result in a band sounding like that for a while and eventually becoming a habit. Now i'm in a band with people i've jammed with since school, adding on a singer and a bass player. Being in a band can be an emancipation if you love what you're playing, but it can totally become a restricting place if you dont love it. When you hear about people turning down money or other incentives to start their own thing, you understand where they come from. Money is important in music, but its not a sole purpose. We have sound issues as a band, nothing is fluent. Problems are coming up that I havent faced since I was 16 or 17. As a result im feeling tense when I play and cant be completely open. To put it into one word, its FRUSTRATING.
Rant over.
This year is flying too fast. we're almost a quarter through already. I'm going to be 23 as well. Holy crap. Where the hell did my childhood go. Damn, just typing that number freaked me out. 23. Whoa, freaked out again. I gotta hook up with a lady or an effinite man asap, otherwise I could be in some trouble.
Fuzz
posted by Fuzzbuggy at 6:50 AM
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