Dreams

Some of the dreams i've been having recently are quite vivid and alot more life-based than what they usually are (usually being really dumb, weird stuff that makes me wake up and go WTF). This one dream I had was so clear it was amazing, but it really gave me a sense of feeling uneasy, or unfulfilled. I dreamt I was in India and had everybody around me, all my friends and relatives. But when I looked out into the sky, the atmosphere was that of Sydney. That is, a welcoming weather consisting of clear skies, cool breeze and a blind unexplained happiness. I felt uneasy because now I feel torn between two countries. One where my roots and a life were, which is slowly turning into someone else's story because I can hardly recognise it. The other consisting of my current life, full of luxury, prospects and unbreakable friendships. I really want to go back to India, some people say "get over it...it was a trip overseas, move on" but I just can't.

People tend to start a new life again at 30 or 40 years, sort of like a mid life crisis, where they change their occupation, residence, friends, everything. I can't do that because I feel life is too short to start again. Sure you remember all the memories, and some consider it an experience or a transition, but my brain just doesn't function that way. If i'm already forgetting my childhood in India, there is no way I will remember ANYTHING about it if I start life again so to speak.

I remember my last night in India, I was in a taxi with my friends..on the back left as always driving to the airport. This song came on the radio and I absolutely fell in love with it. India was back in February/March so it was quite a while ago. The song is called Maula Mere, sung by Roop Kumar Rathod and composed by a very young musician named Mithoon, its for the movie Anwar (I may have discussed this previously in my posts, no idea). This is a film and song I keep going back to, and I recommend it for everyone who is into contemporary "get into your head" movies. I still don't understand all the connotations of the film, but i'm beginning to love it more every time I watch it.

Ok, now I have all that gayness out of the way...

My job as a paraplanner is panning out well. I'm receiving more compliments and less criticisms at work so I feel a little more secure, and my boss let me participate in a client meeting, which is a big step forward for me. Even after this, I really have no idea what lies ahead for me.

Music wise, I am looking to buy an audio interface that will suffice for the rest of my life so my "bang for buck budget" has gone up from $500 to $1500. I'm considering either the Preonus FP10 or the Firestudio, along with the MOTU 8pre. They are all excellent products, but in terms of mixing and routing capabilities the Firestudio is the most appealing. Our guitarist is 100% sure he'll be buying a midi drumkit at the end of the year, which is great for the band. If I can find a way to use the DFH vst in real-time with the midi kit and record it through my desired audio interface, i'll no longer have the issue with mic'ing up a drumkit. I've listened to alot of amatuer recordings and bands with professional studio recording software. Sure it sounds good, but, ego aside, I know I can do better. I have to give this a shot, no matter how embarrassing or demoralising it may get, music is something I really do not want to give up. I also need to learn to sing, and conclusively getting lessons and stuff, it all comes down to money which I have very little of. Darghhh damn life is being wasted 'cuz of lack of money....gayyyyy

I don't mean to sound artsy fartsy, I hope my point is coming across. I should write something when i'm high.

Fuzz